


Slow Down, Speed Up

by FlametheSeraph



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambulances, Crying, First Dates, First Kiss, Forehead Touching, Gun Violence, Gunshot Wounds, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hugging, Idiots in Love, M/M, Men Crying, Southern Winter, Temporarily Disabled Character, Tenderness, Therapy, Trauma, they're so fucking cute oml
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26958739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlametheSeraph/pseuds/FlametheSeraph
Summary: Entry 80Ch1: Jay gets to Tim before Alex does.Ch2: Jay and Tim go on a date.Ch3: Therapy, and the future.Because you can never have enough "Jay survives being shot" stories.This is rated T except for guns, injuries, and a realistic portrayal of EMS and time spent in an ambulance, so warning for that ahead of time.
Relationships: Implied Alex/Jay, Jay Merrick/Timothy "Tim" Wright | Masky
Comments: 9
Kudos: 42





	1. Benedict Hall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay goes after Tim before Alex can hurt him. 
> 
> Alternative Summary:"Alex? Alex- POW "SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU'RE TOO LATE DARLING YOU GIVE LOVE, A BAD NAME!" *Sweet guitar riff*"

Jay enters Benedict Hall quietly, but rushed. He needs to find Tim - he has a bad feeling. He has to get to Tim before Alex can find him. Tim's not an idiot, he won't walk out in the open - but what if he gets sick, or has a seizure? Then what? Besides - he's realized something of deadly importance.

He steps around the foyer - so many hallways to choose from. He listens for movement, to the echoes deep in the building, but who knows if that's Alex or Tim or some random animal scampering about.

He takes a hold of one of the metal railings, tracing it in contemplation - just in time to hear the sound of fabric shuffling behind him. _'Oh god.'_

"Tim!?" He looks over his shoulders just as Tim grabs him roughly, turning him around - he's almost relieved, if not for the face of pure fury.

"Jay-what-are-you-doing-here!?" He grits through his teeth.

"I remembered something - that thing's trying to split us up, didn't you get my voicemail?" Tim's anger flinches to confusion for a second.

"No … I didn't…"

"Exactly! And I don't know why I tried to stab you! I - I came here as quick as I could because I know that thing is trying to split us up!" Tim is still _angry_ , but he knows he needs to rationalize what Jay's said regardless.

And … in a sense … a majority of the sense…

Jay's right.

"I didn't … get a call … at all …"

He pants, spitting the words out quickly, "I - swear, I watched the tape, I understand why you kept it hidden from me, I get it, but we're not going to get anywhere working alone - that's what I said in the voicemail that I was going to come over because I was at Rosswood-" 

"You were at Rosswood!? Alone!?"

"I know I know - listen before you get mad at me, I went through the tunnel, you know which one - and just a few hundred feet away was that house we woke up in when this all started, and I know we didn't pass the tunnel on the way out! It's insane but this has happened before, it doesn't follow a map, it's shifting around or something…!"

Grizzling anger, that strange buzzing telling Tim that Jay is _lying_. He's working with Alex to kill him. It's a set up. 

"Please Tim, please you're - you're literally my last hope!"

But Tim has seen what that monster did to Jay - the irrational anger, the seizures, the static, the same things it did to him to turn him into that masked creature of wrath.

"You're not lying to me, right?"

"No, I swear - I only know as much as you do…"

He calms down, letting the grip around Jay's wrists relax enough to allow blood flow. But he doesn't let go of him just yet. He keeps the man in his space, burning him with guilt just in case Jay is lying. Even if he is, he's right. They will get nowhere alone. He has to stick with Jay, at least then he can keep track of one wackadoo.

Then Jay honest-to-god _smiles-_

He's never seen that before, maybe a smirk, but this is a real, toothy smile, sunken eyes gleaming at him.

"I missed you." A gulp immediately pauses in his throat. Jay pulls his arms from Tim's grip to wrap around. He hugs him like an old friend, and Tim can feel Jay's racing heart along with his own. "I'm sorry, for everything, I know why you lied … I had to look at it from your shoes."

 _Oh god oh god oh god oh god_ \- he swears that's what his heart is saying as a wave of pain goes through and knots in his throat. He doesn't know what to say.

"You don't have to forgive me, I'm not mad at you Tim…"

" _Jay_ …" He never realized how much he enjoyed saying his name, it sits curled in his tongue, behind his teeth.

His heart burns, yearning for more of the strange contact he hasn't had in years. He finally releases his breath. "We should … we need a plan, I haven't found Alex yet … and I think the hooded man is creeping around somewhere…"

"How did he- he was the one who untied me… he must have a car or …"

"Or he's teleporting just like that monster …"

But even as they talk, they don't step away from each other, hands and arms wrapped up in comfortable cotton fabric. It's chilly in the southern winter weather, even colder inside the stone building. Neither is really hell-bent on breaking for personal space.

"You raced over here for that? Couldn't you've called me first?"

"I - … I didn't think it would work, and I was terrified I would alert Alex… I couldn't stand the thought of you dying…"

Whoa. That's new. Tim has no real opinion on his death. Maybe a few old co-workers and his doctor would notice, but not really anyone else.

"Jay, I left you there because I couldn't stand the thought of _you_ dying."

Now it's Jay's turn to be surprised. "Wh-what-? I mean - you could probably still solve this on your own, I'm kind of running out of options-"

"Not everything has to be about the tapes - I care about you as a person too."

"You care about me?"

"Yes Jay, I like you, you're an idiot but you have many good … qualities." He is digging his own grave.

"Like … what?" Jay blinks quietly. Oh god.

"Well - I … you…" Oh god oh god they're still standing together and it's been way over any appropriate time span for a hug. And now Jay has him on the spot. Tim looks down, to the side, eyes lidded in embarrassment.

"You … you're nice … and you're polite most of the time … and you're quiet and soft but strong too … uhhhh … you're smart and dumb at the same time … you're in your own little world and it's … cute… you're - cute…"

His heart keeps pouring out and he can't stop the flood, even as he cringes saying it.

"And I love when you stare off into space with your chin in your hand. And … you're stupid cap covering that soft hair of yours … you always keep it shampooed and fluffy… even if you suck at the rest of self care. And when I imagine that ruined by blood … I cry…" He continues staring at his collar. "And how blatantly stupid you can be wandering into a building, but how fricken pure-hearted a fool you are. And the way you never let your emotions show, even when I say you can do it. And you never give up on people, not even Alex, not even me… you care about him so much more than anyone could…. And the way you twist your hands whenever you think of something or change directions or switch your camera hand. And how you're so curious and intrigued and motivated, how you solve the most stupid totheark puzzles of all time, I don't even know how you do it…"

Silence.

"Did-did I say how much you care about people? You barely knew Jessica and you were willing to do just about anything to find her and you even cared about me back in the hospital but you're bad at showing it and you were awkward about it and that's still adorable … and you cared enough about Alex to watch through all those tapes and get down to a mystery you didn't have to get involved in …"

It sounds like Jay is holding his breath.

"... And the way you bumble and skip over your words … but then you spit out a sentence straight like you've thought of it ahead of time … but when something doesn't go how you expect you always slip up and it's … really…." He relieves a trembling sigh, not ready to face Jay - literally and mentally. He's terrified of Jay speaking so he keeps going.

"And how … how you're … just … you… and everytime I think of you my heart bubbles and aches weirdly when you breathe out and remind me you're next to me and I get frustrated because I just want to reach over and …" He stops there, finally looking back at Jay's face, his "I'm acting like a creep" alarms going off.

"I-" Jay's eyes are wide, and his face pale like he's seen a ghost, but pink around his cheek, as he purses his lips and Tim can tell he's trying to resist the urge to worry at them. He's 99% sure Jay is gay - it's in the fucking name, and he's really bad at hiding it. But Tim has no idea if he even returns any of those feelings. For all he could know Jay doesn't get involved with people he runs from monsters with through the forest. But Tim said fuck it. He can't stand not knowing anymore. He'd rather be rejected than to never know. 

But Jay.

Just.

Keeps.

 _Staring_.

Tim is waiting for his reply, but it looks like Jay is waiting for him to continue.

He can't stand under that gaze, his striking eyes peering into him. He places a hand over Jay's eyes to stop the staring. That's a little better… but eventually Jay is going to remove his hand.

"Tim?" He questions softly, Tim feels the tickle of his quirked brows under his palm. He angles to the side a bit - all Jay can feel is breathing, and the pulse in Tim's palm. He's been frozen solid, not knowing a single way to reply to all that. So he just shut it down, _shut it all down._

There's a soft, feathery, ticklish pass over his lips, and then a harder press, and Jay's mind jumps to life realizing they're another pair of lips, so shy, so careful.

He's kissing Jay. All too soon he breaks away.

 _"Sorry…"_ He apologizes, knowing he should've asked first like a gentleman. But he leans in again, just a touch, a firm brush, and another whisper " _Sorry…"_ Another stolen peck, and another with murmurings of " _Sorry."_ Over and over, feeling the soft puff of breath there - and maybe at first, Jay would've voluntarily jumped back in fear, but each little press against his slightly parted mouth sedates him further, each pitiful "sorry" and the warm air against skin. Jay finally regains his motor control, and shakily moves his hand up, careful, like petting a skittish animal that could run at any moment, he lets a finger touch his cheek, then the others follow, pushing against his scruff, and when he doesn't spook, he presses his palm, sliding it further back, and he has Tim's chin in his hand. But he doesn't let it rest there - more 'hovering' with apprehension, until Tim shivers and let's his jaw flutter open, moving a few millimeters to press his face into the offered hand.

It's so slow, and so intimate - he brushes a thumb at his cheek bone, and Tim rests there, almost relieved. Jay takes his other hand, cold fingers over scarred knuckles, and pulls them away from his eyes, finally able to see Tim avoiding his gaze, lidded and drooping as he sinks into his warm hold. 

Jay lets his other hand, still clutching, to play with Tim's, slowly kneading and petting like a nuzzling cat, rubbing his fingertips over calluses and small cracks. He shifts his other hand, slipping around to capture his head from behind, cautiously curling his joints to scratch nails against soft scalp, and he leans back into the touch.

He decides to do something cheesy, just to torture Tim a bit more, he thinks, lifting the burly hand he's warming to his lips. He presses a strong kiss to his vein, and another to his knuckles, pecking away as Tim's face goes red and he wishes those lips were back on his own.

Tim remembers he too has another hand, and brings it to weave fingers in Jay's sparrow brown hair with a pleased grunt. He scratches at the soft hair he's wanted to touch for months. Fingers filtering through and scratching. For a moment, Jay's head tilts back like a cat, skin shivering from the spot.

Jay takes his jaw with both hands, standing flush against him and raising his head to meet his lips from above. It's an odd twist, but it makes him even more dizzy and bubbly inside. They press together warmly, correctly, slotting perfectly like the last puzzle piece, moving their mouths just a little to feel each ridge and bump in the soft pink skin. Jay kisses him good and proper. When he pulls apart, Tim is so dizzy he rests his head in the crook of Jay's neck, tickling him with little sighs. His hands uncircle from his neck and lightly holds Jay's waist, causing the skin there to flutter. He looks down, with a smidgeon of concern in his eyes. _"You haven't been eating well…"_ He mumbles without really noticing. It makes him sad.

Jay brings his face back up, bending his own until the bridges of their noses are touching, looking down at each other's lips, and back up into their bottomless eyes, dilated with love as they stare in their own little world.

It's been a while since they've known peace like this, and neither wants to break away. They breathe, just holding close, feeling the heat they give off between them. He wants to stay like this forever. Everything is forgotten here. The lies, the secrets, the meds, the tapes, the paranoia, that thing, and Alex.

_Alex!_

It's a warning like a bombshell as it goes off in his mind. 

His head rotates as he sees the tell-tale sign of a person raising a gun arm.

Jay notices it as soon as Tim makes eye contact with the barrel, Alex standing about twenty feet away in the foyer arch.

He says nothing to them, only a glare of murderous intent, and anguish - perhaps jealousy even, on his face.

And then, in even slower motion, Tim pushes into Jay with desperate, carrying force, shuffling against him with his body and knees, almost like he could body check Jay and drag him. He looks right into Jay's eyes, both wide in a surprised terror. Dark brown - pale blue.

 **POW**. The first bullet goes by Tim's shirt.

Jay slams into the stair railing painfully hard, and nearly falls over the back. Tim grabs his hand and time speeds up again before he can catch his own breath.

 **POW.** An unmistakable feeling hits Tim in the leg.

"URGH!" But he's already rocketing forward, pulling Jay along with him.

They run down the foyer, and in the pause it takes to rip the door open from the stop he put in it -

**POW.**

Tim hears the worst sound in the world.

"Ach!" Jay misses a step but Tim won't let him stop, not here, not ever. He doesn't know where Jay is hit, he just keeps running, through the doors, down the steps, into the peaceful afternoon, running across sidewalks, grass, dead leaves, over a drain cover, a little roadway, leaving a trail across the campus in front of Benedict Hall.

Tim pulls out his phone as they flee with the last ounces of adrenaline their bodies will give them. He's so shaky he can barely dial the number. He nearly drops it when their feet slam into the concrete coming off the curb.

They run as far as they can into the parking lot, before Jay begins to trip up - get into light, get into broad daylight, and they may have a chance. Jay trips one too many and tumbles, Tim can't leave him, so he falls with Jay, dragging them a bit further as a voice comes over the end.

"911 what's your location and emergency?"

"Outside Benedict Hall - at the college, off exit 49, need an ambulance - we've been shot, we've been shot -" He pants, looking at the blood Jay holds back with his hands, so much red painting his clothes and now dripping onto the pavement.

 _No._

He's been shot in his abdomen. The damage is unknown - fatal even. Jay bleeds and coughs in sharp pain.

"He's dying please, he needs it faster, please-"

"They are on their way sir please stay on the line."

"Thank you, thank you-" He coughs, lucid, finally noticing his wound has started bleeding too, and just the sight of it makes him woozy. But he holds a shaky palm to Jay's hands - the hands that so gently touched him minutes before, applying what futile pressure he can.

"I'm sorry Tim -" He starts crying, hiccuping even more air. "I'm so sorry Tim, for everything - I don't want to leave you - I promise I don't."

"You're not going to Jay! Stop thinking like that, just breathe!"

"I can't - get enough -" His chest is working too fast trying to maintain oxygen in the ever decreasing blood flow. 

His tunnel vision is so intense he barely notices the blood from his own leg, the two mixing in the hot pavement in a sickening red. He can live with seeing his own blood - but Jay's is worse.

Jay keeps trying to look down to see the wound, choking himself, and Tim wraps a hand around his jaw. "Keep your head up Jay, come on."

"Oh my god!" It hurts hearing his voice like that, so much so, he can barely stand it, he can't handle Jay wailing like that out of character. "Are my organs out!"

"What!? No Jay you were shot, not disemboweled!" He yells. Jay cries more, wasting precious air when he hiccups so _sharp_ it's killing Tim faster.

"Jay, you gotta calm down bud, you gotta calm down -"

"I can't!" He bawls.

"Yes you can - come on Jay your right here with me."

"I'm gonna die!" He yells.

"No, no, no, you're not Jay, shh shh-"

"If I stop talking I'm going to die." He sobs.

"No you're not, no you're not you need to save your strength." 

God how long has it been!? This feels like the slowest moments of his life - comparable to the kiss - he looks at the timer on the phone.

It's only been 2 minutes since they called. Tim shudders, face turning white and sweaty.

_They're not going to make it in time._

_..._

And even if they do?

...

The only reason Jay's bleeding this much means - somethings been nicked.

Jay is going to die. The world spins around him and he turns a sickly pale, almost cyanated. He's barely noticed the dispatcher is still speaking over the phone.

"Sir, the closest unit will be with you shortly. They're nearby."

He watches the seconds tick by on the timer.

"Thank you -" he coughs.

"Tim this sucks …" His voice is droopy, lips turning blue as well.

"I fucking hate this…" His tears poor lazily now. Though they're in the sun, it's so damn cold.

"Tim?"

"I'm here Jay."

"Ok."

"Keep talking to me Jay - keep - breathing." He huffs.

"Tim, you're leg - put pressure - your legs bleeding - all over me…" He looks at his shaking hands over Jay's abdomen, already soaked through his jacket bunched over the wound. He has to stay conscious, he has to stay here for Jay, but he can feel the whirls of oxygen loss calling him.

"Jay - I think - I'm going into shock - I'm sorry -"

"Tim - no you-"

He falls on his side, mumbling something he hopes resembles "I love you." in sound.

His vision goes white - he thinks he's staring at the sky. But he hears ringing in his ears

\- no that's not ringing

\- it's sirens.

 _'Please …'_ He thinks. _'We're over here…'_ He wants to rub Jay, but he's a bit too weak to manage it, and he can already tell Jay has gone under.

He slips into a state, not quite unconscious, but not awake either.

The next thing he knows is someone asking him the president.

"O-Obama?"

Something is attached to his face, he can breathe better.

He moves his head to catch a glance of Jay. Something is bandaging over his stomach, and a bag is over his mouth.

"Please keep your head straight sir." A woman's voice speaks. He's looking at the sky again, and a blue uniform hovering over. He reaches a hand out.

" _Jay_ -"

"Don't worry sir we're taking care of him, just focus on me."

He hears a man say nearby, "It's a load and go for both of them."

"Sir, we're going to take your friend on the first ambulance ok? He's more critical at the moment."

"Yes - th-thank you -" Tim sighs.

He can hear the sounds and beepings as they take his vitals, as another ambulance arrives. He sees them doing something to Jay out of the corner of his eye, then the sound of slamming doors and sirens going as the vehicle pulls away.

 _'Save him. Please…'_ He thinks.

He's loaded into the second ambulance, nauseated at the bright white lights. A medic sits next to him, floating above him.

He says things to him, nothing Tim is really paying attention to. But he feels better than before, less clammy. He can sort of feel the tourniquet on his leg.

Something pinching his arm, making him lucid as the guy keeps checking his vitals again and again.

"Mmmph." He moans.

"Not too long now Tim, you sure collapsed in a good spot!"

"Jay? Where is he?"

"Your friend is in the other ambulance. Do you know who shot you?" He has no energy to think of a lie - and he can't risk Jay getting hurt again.

"Alex … Kralie…"

"Ok, and where did it happen? There's a good trail going down the sidewalk."

"Inside the hall… we were … trespassing…"

"That's alright, we're not the cops." The paramedic laughs. "Are you hurting anywhere else?"

"No …. Just my leg…"

"Yeah you got hit pretty good there, but the bullet bounced off your bone, can you feel this?" There's a sharp pain going down the sole of his foot.

"Oww, I can feel it…"

"Ok that's good, that's terrific, it means there's no nerve damage. Do you have any prescriptions?" 

"Just uh … seizure meds…"

"No drugs or alcohol today?"

"No, god no."

"Ok, thank you Tim."

"Is Jay gonna live?" _Does he really want to know the answer?_

"They will see at the trauma hospital, but he's in good hands."

"Am I gonna live?"

"Yes, unless some freak accident happens, you're going to live."

"Ok."

"We're here sir, just going to unload you - little drop." He stares at the ceiling as it rolls pass to reveal the underpass of an ER department.

He's wheeled in, and then begins the onslaught of many new faces, new machines, meds, bandages, stitches, a lot of paperwork, and the silent, consuming dread of not knowing anything behind Jay arriving here before him.

He hears someone call a code over the portable radios - and he prays to any god that it's not Jay that Death is after.

  
  



	2. The Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim visits Jay's room in the hospital, and the future plays out from there on 
> 
> Alternative Summary: No I totally didn't give Jay crippling back pain because I have that right now ... Noooooo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for hospital setting, but no emergency stuff happening this chapter, just soft babies
> 
> Also warning for Brian's and Alex's death mention.

He'd lost a lot of blood, and had to have that replaced overnight, but his leg has been sutured and is on the way to heal. They have him in a cast for now - something he's not really a fan of. He wakes up sometime early the next morning when the nurse's shift changes, and they come in.

"Good morning Mr. Wright-"

"How is he?"

He fears the worst. He sees the nurse smile and expects the bad news to come.

"He's doing well, he's resting now. That's all I can legally tell you until we confirm your relation to him."

"Thank you." He lays back in his bed.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better than before."

"Any side effects or new symptoms?"

"No, all good."

"That's good, well unless you need anything I'll be doing the rounds."

"Thank you." With that he rests most of the day, letting the drugs pull him under for sleep he hasn't had in a long time.

He wakes up the next day when the main doctor comes in.

"Mr. Merrick said you're allowed to visit if you'd like Mr. Wright, as long as you're safe enough to get out of bed."

"Oh, thank you."

One of the worst walks of one's life is down the ICU hallways, as he stumbles down with crutches in a smock. He slides the door to Jay's room, oh how he hates sleeping people in the hospital, they look dead and on display. But the droning and beeping of the machines promise that this patient will reawaken.

He doesn't wake him, just sits with him and gently pets his head when the nurse's give them some privacy. He holds his hand, stuck with an IV line, gently rubbing his palm. He wants to kiss him again, but he wants to wait for Jay to be awake. Soon his nostrils flare, and his head moves about a bit as he rouses.

"Good morning Jay." He says, quietly, just above a murmur. Jay looks around a bit before his eyes focus on Tim.

"Oh … hey Tim…" he sounds lethargic, still wacked out on painkillers.

"Where are we again?"

"We're at the trauma hospital, I called an ambulance."

"Oh yeah - oh shit how long have I been in and out of it?"

"About two days…"

"My head hurts…"

"If that's the least of your problems I wouldn't worry."

"Hardly… They told me I went through 26 units of blood, and even more plasma …"

"Damn … you're lucky Jay…"

He lifts his non-Iv hand, pulling up the sheets. "You wanna see it's pretty-"

"Jay leave the bandage alone before you give me another heart attack." He sets it down.

"They said ... uh … the bullet went through my intestine … they removed a couple feet of that. On the way out though it fractured my spine-"

Tim's heart goes silent and cold. The bullet hit his spine - oh god, what has he done, he should've dragged Jay out the moment he saw him how could he be so-

"Tim. Earth to Tim. Relax." He snaps in his face.

"Huh?"

"I was saying, it fractured part of my spine, but just a graze … they got to us quick enough to prevent any permanent damage, I'm just going to be a bit … debilitated for a while - of course you don't have to stick around for all that! I wasn't implying-"

"Jay are you out of your fricken mind? Did you hit your head too? You'll have to fight me to leave you, especially after this."

"Well I just meant you can go back to having a normal life if this is too much for you -"

"No I can't Jay, besides we're the last two people I know that can understand each other."

"I guess you're right…" Tim sighs, brushing the wires of the nasal cannula over his cheek, and leaning in to capture his lips, the first time since Benedict Hall. It's a huge relief. He reciprocates, though they both have terrible breath.

Jay jumps, "Oh god what-what about the bill- what do we do." He says suddenly, trying to sit up..

"Shhhh, Jay-" He pushes his shoulders back. "We'll get through it ok? We'll figure it out, right now just heal."

And then Jay deadpans like a dial up modem-

"My parents! I have to call my parents! I remember their number!"

"O-okay, okay, let me see if I can get you a phone or something…"

"Hurry!"

"Relax relax ok!"

He gives Jay a phone and leaves the room. He's gone for nearly an hour and a half, and when Jay calls him back in, his face is red and wet.

"Is everything ok?" He swears if they yelled at Jay he's going to kill his parents.

"Yeah, just *sniff* really missed them."

He stays with him the rest of the evening, until the night nurse comes, telling him that visiting hours are over - Jay still needs to stay in the ICU room.

He kisses Jay on the forehead.

"Get some sleep ok?

"Mmm ok…" 

Tim is returned to an overnight room, proven that he is stable enough to rest with just a monitor on his finger.

The next few weeks are daunting. Tim returns to his house only to nearly be burned alive. Alex thinks Jay is dead. That's probably for the better. He doesn't tell Jay about it - he needs him to heal and not scrabble to get out of the hospital.

Eventually, Jay is discharged, and Tim drives him to his parents house. There's a lot of questioning and frantic tears, but once he gets Jay settled with all his stuff, it feels alright. Jay is safe here, but he has several months of PT ahead of him.

Staying apart from Jay this long is breaking his heart, but he texts him every night, and visits when he can. His parents house is one of those half a million upper middle class cul-de-sac places, and he feels very odd with his somewhat banged up car, but while his parents are older and more traditional, they're a lot more accepting than he expected. He still gets lingering looks of suspicion - but they see how happy Jay gets with him around everyday. Then one day it's let slip that Tim has no living parents, and the doting by Jay's mother is immediate, with a constant insistence they can pay the medical bills. He talks to Jay about how crazy it is that he never mentioned them, but as the usual suspect, that monster had stolen the memories from him.

And all the dark truths of his life unfold from there, all the secrets and lies he's told his whole life reach their breaking point. He knows it's happened when he knocks his own best friend-turned crazy enemy to his death. He doesn't have the time to mourn that as his body is taken by the thing. And so he doesn't think about it. He gets to see Jay at the end of the day. Brian's been dead for years... He's over it.

He swears he's over it. Even when the tears creep down his face. He swears it's just the coughing.

He knows, the longer he waits, the more he risks Alex finding out about Jay. So he decides it's time to end it. By end it - he didn't mean killing Alex. But when Alex had his hands around his neck, all he could think of was Jay, and how distraught he would be if Tim was gone - he shoves the knife into Alex's neck until he stops moving.

When he awoke, he finds Alex's body missing - he burns everything, all of his clothes, all of the blood. He leaves no trace, just in case. He checks up on Jessica one last time. But now, he must tell Jay the truth.

He gets the usually jovial greeting when he enters Jay's room - the poor, mostly bedridden man has nothing but the same three books to entertain him for the last few months. 

"Jay … lie down for a minute…." He closes the bedroom door and Jay knows it's serious. Tim scooches in next to him. It's rather silly sitting in a twin sized bed with two full grown men, but Jay's bedroom hadn't been updated since college. 

"What's up?" 

"... Come here…" He wraps an arm around Jay, carefully rubbing his shoulder - just in case this is the last time he can. He has to tell Jay - but he doubts the man won't take it lightly. Tim begins speaking, and Jay watches his face - it's about halfway through the story that he expects what's coming, but when it does: "I killed Alex … he's gone … he gave me no other choice… I'm so sorry Jay…" He stares brokenly at the blanket for a moment. Swallowing, and nodding in acknowledgement of Tim's words. Then the tears break and pour down his face, his throat cracks, making an awful sound, before gripping Tim's shirt and crying into his chest.

"I know you had too … It's - it's probably for the better." Jay hiccups, sobbing loudly. "He - he was in pain … so much pain…" Tim rocks him gently, careful not to disturb the heating pad placed over his back muscles.

"Yeah… it's over…" Jay's breath hiccups and wheezes. "It's over Jay … it's finally over…." Jay keeps sobbing, soaking through his shirt until he's all cried out and just laying there, Tim petting his hair almost therapeutically. 

" _I love you…_ " He croaks out. Tim's breath catches.

"You - you mean that?"

"Yes."

"Sure it's not the drugs making you say it?"

"No, idiot…." He grumbles.

"I love you too…" He says kissing his hair. He ends up falling asleep like that, holding Jay and leaning on his pillow. Jay's mother covers him with a blanket.

It's next fall, when Jay is finally well enough to walk - that he asks Tim, and he quotes "Umm … uh … wanted to like … hang out or … go on a date or somethin'." 

"Definitely."

It's a cold April day, a bit drizzly but nothing bad, when Tim comes to pick him up. He stands in a buttoned down shirt and nice pants - he wasn't really sure, and apparently Jay isn't either because he steps out in khakis and a white shirt.

"It-its my dad's clothes…"

"You, you ready to go?"

"Yeah-" He steps off the porch, taking Tim's hand.

He helps Jay into the passenger side, and then pulls out.

"So, any idea where we should go?"

"I thought we could go to a park…"

"Please not Rosswood-"

"God no, no, you'll see, it's pretty safe - but it's a secret."

"Okkkaaayyy."

He drives them into the neighboring city - to a very nice park nestled amongst the skyscrapers. That thing would be damned to come here.

They walk through the park, holding hands above the wet concrete. Some leaves from last year's fall still coat the ground, a rotting sweet scent.

They don't really talk, just enjoying each others company and the tranquility the moment affords.

"Ou-ou." He grabs his back.

"Jay, what's wrong what's hurting-"

"I'm alright, just some nerve pain … can we sit on that bench?"

"Sure, Sure…."

He wipes the water from the bench, and they sit. Jay holds his back, that's where he usually complained of the pain. The area of his exit wound, much larger than the entrance, where muscle was shredded and blown out, fibers cut.

Jay leans his head against Tim's shoulder.

"I'm turning into an old man…"

"Do you need me to carry you to the car?" Tim jokes, but Jay looks at him pleadingly.

"M-maybe - heh."

He scoops him up gently, avoiding his back. He's heavy, of course, for being a human, but not as heavy as he expects.

"Are you sure, with your leg?"

"You're asking me now?"

"Ha…" He wraps his arms around Tim's shoulders as they make their way back to the car.

Not wanting to exacerbate the pain, they get simple fast food, parking in an empty lot to eat, greasy salty fries soaking through the brown paper bag.

"Do people typically kiss on the first date?" Tim asks nonchalantly. 

"I guess if they really like each other…"

"Oh well guess I can't then, cus I don't like you, I love you."

"I knew you were going to make that joke."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, I totally did." 

Tim bunches up the paper bag, and Jay watches amusedly as he unbuckles himself and leans over the center compartment to tug him into a kiss. Despite being "together" for several months, their kisses were quite rare, like a delicate candy. This is really the only time either have had to focus on it. Tim licks the salt on his lips, and Jay lets him in. It's not exactly elegant per-say, but it's theirs. This moment belongs to them. Tim weaves his hand in his hair, tilting his own head sideways to deepen it, like he's giving the world's sloppiest mouth to mouth - but Jay loves it. He pulls back to give him some air.

"Damn… that was first from you." Jay says, wiping his lips. Tim's head buzzes with bees and butterflies, totally lost in adoration. 

Jay snorts, "lover boy." And leaning in again, tasting him like a savory piece of meat. He bites at his lip.

Tim pulls back slightly, muttering "Don't eat me." Before reconnecting. Jay's mouth twists into a smile.

The drive home, he steers with one hand, the other entangled with Jay's, as Jay suddenly frets that he got grease stains on the white shirt, and Tim listens to him with amusement.

He helps Jay walk to the front door, giving him a peck on the lips.

"Thank you, didn't mean to make it that short."

"Don't worry Jay, I want you to get better." Then Jay grabs his cheeks.

"You're such a small cutie-patootie." He coos, like an overzealous mother.

"I'm not small, only a few inches shorter than you." He smiles. Jay peppers his face in kisses until it tickles too much to withstand. He doesn't remember a time where he smiled this much in a day, not laughed. It is perfect. He couldn't ask for better.

"One more for the road?" He smirks mischievously. Jay rolls his eyes, dipping him down far and holding him suspended, then kissing the daylights out of him.

"Jay your back! Don't do that!" 

Jay laughs "Pffft, worth it."

He opens the door. "Goodnight Tim."

"You'll literally call me in five minutes."

"You'll text me in two."

He smiles, closing the door behind him.

Stepping off the porch, Tim can't help but punch the air in victory.


	3. Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay and Tim go to therapy to work through their past, leaving the future wide open.
> 
> Alternative Summary: Jay has a thing for emotional men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out, I was debating with my 3 Braincells if I should make a little extra chapter thingy, but post it separately because I'm physically incapable of not writing happy smut, give me Jesus.
> 
> Oh yeah traumatic nightmare warning for Tim

"We can't go to a therapist about this stuff…"

"I found one … one that we can go to … for … "supernatural activities".

"They're probably some crazy paranormal "expert" or unlicensed hippy-"

"I know Tim - there were a lot of those trust me, I checked but … they had good recommendations … and credentials. They won't … condemn us as crazy…"

"... Fine … I'll go with you, if it makes you happy."

It takes about ten sessions before Tim even talks about the truth, usually preferring to sit on the leather couch in mumbling silence.

But he finally does speak up, from the beginning, and once the story is going, he can't stop.

He leaves only the very illegal bits out.

"And … that's … the gist of it…" Tim sniffles, and Jay wipes at his tears reassuringly, sitting on the worn leather couch next to him.

"I know you … think we're crazy… think the whole story is crazy…"

"I don't think you're crazy. The proof is written into your being. You saw a monster. A monster that took advantage of you both. No one can take that back from you. No one can dismiss it."

The therapist sits there quietly nodding, thinking.

"That is, so much, so much more than many people could ever handle - you both realize that right? You're amazing, for being here, almost no one in your situation would admit they needed help, sorry if I'm getting giddy, but you're so … inspirational. Really."

Tim huffs another shaky breath.

"You have every right to feel the way you do, more rights than anyone in the world… you shouldn't be ashamed to cry - of course that doesn't fix the problem. Your brain is trying to put a bandage on itself by not feeling, but you have every right to feel sadness, you're both wonderful human beings."

Jay side eyes, and then breaks, burying his face into his hands, with a loud anguished cry - Tim doesn't need to even ask what he's thinking, he pulls Jay to lay his torso over this lap, rubbing his back.

"You are a good person Jay, you are, ok? I know you are…" He leans over to keep whispering in his ear as Jay cries hysterically, tears falling to the floor between his legs.

" _You are … you are Jay, don't let your brain tell you otherwise.."_

" _I'm sorry_ ~" It's ugly, barely recognizable as he forces it from his throat.

 _"I know Jay, I know Jay, I hear you, I feel you."_ He holds him as if Jay will fall apart if not supported. Jay's forearms lay across his thighs, face hunched between them and crying against his jeans.

 _"He's dead - he's really dead…"_

Tim leans over him, mumbling into his shoulder, _"We're gonna get through this, ok?"_

Jay nods and let's the sadness run through him, until he can catch his breath and have the courage to face the world again.

Jay picks himself back up, death grip around Tim's hand.

"Sorry *sniff* about that…"

"There's nothing to apologise for." The man smiles. "I mean it, you know that right?"

Jay nods, still wiping his face.

"I would love to see you back in two weeks if that works for you two."

They say their goodbyes and head out.

He waits till they're outside, and then corners Tim with a kiss by the car.

"You're really hot when you're open about your feelings."

Tim laughs loudly in the parking lot.

"Careful Jay - still in Alabama."

Even after all of this - he feels like a lucky man. Just to have Jay with him. And Jay agrees, the feeling is mutual, spouting things like "If I'd never gone through this I'd be single for life…"

They get home and Tim turns back from shutting the door to being shuffled against it as Jay encroaches with a kiss.

It grows needy rapidly, with Jay desperately deepening it, and licking at Tim's mouth obstinately until he gives him what he wants with a chuckle, becoming a sloppy tongue kiss.

 _'Fuck.'_ They slowly curl and taste one another, exploring and feeling.

When they're both out of breath, Jay pulls back still digging his fingers into the button up shirt.

"Want to come upstairs with me?" He doesn't get the implications at first. "Uh ok?" Jay lets out a little laugh and a smirk.

"I mean - come to _bed_ with me." He still thinks it's innocent and then-

"Oh - ohhhh!" His face turns red as he pictures some, not so clean scenarios. They hadn't "been together" yet. He just assumed Jay would tell him when.

"A-are you sure?" Jay nods, pulling his hand towards the stairs, and all his focus and decision making goes down the drain.

\---

Of course, there were things they could never tell another human being, even this certain therapist Jay had dug up out of nowhere. Both of their nightmares are awful, fueled by a constant paranoia of what's over the horizon. They both feel this all too good to be true. They're both just waiting for the day some freak accident takes the other away. For their past to come back haunt them, for Tim to suddenly get pressed with charges if Alex's body turns up. But weeks then into months - and nothing happens. Well, little things do - muddy work clothes, termite infestation, plumbing issues, flat tires. But nothing _bad bad_. Nothing unfixable.

Tim wakes up one night with a gasp. Nothing big, nothing extravagant. Just a small, sharp gasp. A few tears leak from his eyes. Bad dreams were usual, nothing new - and most of the time the same things, repeated on loop. But it was this one that bothered him even more. Even more than Jay getting shot, then Brian falling, then stabbing Alex.

He had a dream, where he wrestled the gun away from Alex's hand, and aimed to kill him. Held the gun to his head.

And Alex _screamed_ as he pulled the trigger. As … as he…

He gulped down air and quietly sobbed, and reached out to the only person he could. Luckily, Jay was always a few mere inches away.

He gives him a shake, a soft question, and Jay rolls over groggy, already keen to his state from his voice.

"I'm sorry to wake you it's just-"

"Don't be sorry baby, do you wanna talk about it?" He asks in a sleepy voice, in fact he only ever called him nicknames when he was half asleep.

"I had … another dream … about Alex … I shot him in the head…." He stays silent and gulps a breath, swallowing his anxiety. "But he screamed - he screamed at me - he was still screaming even as he fell back h-he - I put a bullet in his brain and he was still reaching up to block it I -" He gives up talking. "I couldn't kill someone … I couldn't do it. I don't know how I did it Jay…"

"Mmm…" Jay pulls Tim closer under the comforter. "I'm in a state of … tiredness … that I don't think I can make proper words but … you've got me here sweetheart. It's a bad dream - big - stupid … dream. I've got you…" He rubs his back groggily. "I got you babe… I'll fight the dream, kick it's ass..." His eyes are fluttering shut with sleep, and the silly display is enough to pull his mind from that dark spot.

"Pfft … goodnight Jay." He kisses his temple, and Jay's lips twitch happily. The dream dances around his consciousness, but it has been defeated. Nothing more than a dream now, a pain, but a pain that could now heal.

As his own sweet melatonin feeds back into his brain, replacing adrenaline, he stares at the rays of moonlight coming through the blinds. One crosses Jay's ring finger. Nothing but smooth, milky skin.

Tim always thought rings were expensive - but imagining one on Jay's finger, matching his own … goddamn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhat based off my own therapist who is DA BOMB!
> 
> Imma tell y'all something real personal, so if you don't want to get into the dark stuff of my past I recommend skipping this part.  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> .
> 
> His nightmare was written based on one I had recently - I have a lot of nightmares but this one really fucked with me - basically, I shot my childhood rapist/torturer in the head as they begged for their life. They screamed at me and held their hand up to block the shot and I still did it. I woke up, and at the moment realized that I could never kill a person, no matter who they were or what they'd done. I just couldn't do it. Though, I don't always share that story because the first response to it was "You SHOULD be shooting people like that." I don't know why there is this stigma that if you've had trauma, you always have to be dark and evil and angry about it for the rest of your life. I've come to terms with the things I've been through because I know now they've made me a much more empathetic person. Of course - I like many have my offsets and triggers. I get mad at certain things, and I still have some general immaturity issues because I was my only role model for a long time as a kid, lol whoops.  
> Besides, it's easier to change people's viewpoints through love rather than hatred.


End file.
